A Man Sitting On My Couch

Sometimes I felt things paranormal. Actually I've experienced it many times in my life. But I'm also Scully. High level of skepticism. Was it an external things? Was it just paranoia? Or just some kind of mental psychosis?

I don't know.

The usual phenomenon is I felt there's somebody else around me. That I can't physically see. My mind would conjure the image though. 

Like a few days a go, I felt somebody else in my apartment. I know I'm alone because my housemate was not in; she's back in her hometown. As I walk to my kitchen, I felt 'him'. Then an image conjured in my mind of a man sitting on my couch seemingly surprised seeing me walking past him. Then he followed me to my bedroom but I just ignored him. I didn't feel him anymore as I closed the door.

This particular thing is rare. I never really conjure an image so fast and quite clear in my mind before.

If it's real, who was he? If  it's not real, I wonder why I have the experience. Psychosis? 

I'm Not Sure What To Write

I'm not sure what to write right now.

Not that there's nothing to write, like there's dozen of stories to be told running in my head right now. But I have no energy to write them. All of are snippets of quick flashes in my brain.

Like the little white kitten that I fostered and my housemate threw away when I was gone.

The bags and shoes in my store room that I've yet to sell. 

My dad had an affair with my cousin when she was around 18 years old.

I said I love you to my brother for the first time on a video call just before he died.

The digital stop watch that I thought I broke but I didn't and I was so scared my Dad would beat me up.

My last photo at the airport with Dad. 

I need to see some doctor to check if I have autism or ADHD.

3 months bank reconciliation that I have not yet done. 

The Youtube channel that I need to revive because I really need the side income.

The plight of Palestinian people & the Zionist that should just die. 

My bestfriend; ex bestfriend that I could not named here. 

Aaaah my brain. It's frustrating on how it runs. Yet I'm glad it runs coz stalling means I got some kind of dementia. Which is something I'm trying to avoid in my old age. If I reach 80, that is. Non dementia or dead. That's my preferred situation by that age.

Currently, I'm just here. Lighted cig between my fingers. Small Labubu figurines under my PC monitor. A pink analog timer above it because I suck at realising that time passes by. calendar. Crystal bracelets. Sleepiness after I dunk myself under cold water. 

Little things, big things. I should write a book.  

I Started This Blog

I started this blog to record just about anything that had happened in my life & just put it out there for the algorithm to listen. Somebody might find this blog someday, or it might disappear among the the trillions of codes. 

It's ok. I'm just putting it out there.

My memory; because I'm getting old; like old old and I fear these memories might be lost.

My dream; because I dream a lot & sometime they're just simply weird.

My hope and fear, my happiness and sadness, the neurons that sparked like crazy in my brain; making connection with the conscious and the unconscious. 

It's my journal, my diary, my black book and my vision board.. maybe.

I'll expose my heart & mind & hide behind Google codes. I'll be honest, yes. But I'll be hidden too. I'll tell everything about myself and I'll tell nothing about myself.

Let this journey begin.